December 21, 2001

Our wedding day.

There are a lot of things I could write about this day. A lot of sweet memories were made, but there is one that is always the first I think of when I remember our wedding day.

We got married at 3:30 in the afternoon. I spent the morning shopping with my dad. I knew that this would be the last morning to hang out with him before things changed. He wouldn't be the one taking care of me anymore. He knew it, and I knew it, and even though we didn't talk about it, there was a sadness to the happiness between us.

I spent the early afternoon getting ready. Getting my hair done, getting my nails done, all the normal bridal pampering. It was fun and I was relaxed and enjoying my big day. After I was all glamorized, I got in the car with my parents to drive to the temple for the wedding. As we drove, I started to get nervous. Questions I had never had in the eight months of planning the wedding were suddenly popping into my head.

I started thinking about how young I was. And how young Tim was for that matter. I couldn't even go and buy myself a beer if I wanted, (which, for the record, I didn't actually want to do, it was just the point) but I could get married? Really?!?! Was I qualified to make such an important decision? I could barely commit to a major, and that was only four years. Was I ready to commit my life to someone forever? There had to be some things I didn't know about Tim. He seemed so wonderful and perfect for me, but was he? What if he was secretly addicted to drugs, or porn??

The more I thought about it, the crazier the questions in my mind became. A knot started to grow in my stomach and with every new uncertainty another kink would be added. I knew I loved Tim, but was that enough? Did I know him well enough to commit my life to him? Was I even old enough to really know?

I didn't say anything to anyone about my little anxiety attack that was happening. I tried to appear calm and collected but knew I was doing a bad job. What was I going to do?? I knew I had to talk to Tim. I had to tell him what I was thinking, and see what he was thinking. I had to know if he had any of the same questions I did.

I got dressed in my wedding dress and was (outwardly) all ready to go. Inwardly, I had a knot the size of a beach ball in my stomach. All our family and several friends were waiting for us in the beautiful room the ceremony would take place in. As I was walking to another room where Tim and I would meet, to then go into the ceremony together, I felt like I was going to pass out or throw up. I walked into the room where he was waiting for me with a hundred questions ready to spill. Before I got one word out though, Tim was there, hugging me, whispering in my ear how much he loved me. As he whispered in my ear, an unseen voice whispered to my heart, "This is the right place, the right time, the right person."

And that, my friends, made all the difference.

My questions were replaced with answers, my anxiety was replaced with peace. I walked into become his wife calm and happy, knowing the choice I felt so good about the past eight months was the right choice for me.

Eight years later, I think back and realize those questions I had were somewhat valid. I was young. (even more young than I thought at the time...twenty, yikes.) I didn't know everything about Tim, and he didn't know everything about me. But Someone knew how good Tim was for me, and let me know too.

We celebrated our anniversary by spending the day together yesterday. We talked about the things going on right now, and the things we hope will happen in the next year, and the next ten years. We talked about the kids we have and the kids we hope to have. And BYU football. And the new cell phone I want. (It can't all be serious : ) And I was thankful. Thankful, I still knew he was the one for me.

Thanks for the past eight years babe. They have been amazing. Here's to 8 million more : )

(If you see Tim will you let him know I posted this on our blog. Or just let him know we have a blog. That would be great. Thanks.)

What the past eight years have given us.

Highs and Lows

Really? Is it really December? Anyone with me on this? The past couple months have been pretty crazy around here. (sometimes crazy fun and sometimes just crazy) So here are some of the good, bad and the gross from our family to yours.

-The last time I wrote I was getting ready to get my tonsils out. I did go through with it and I obviously didn't die, which was my biggest fear. It actually started out pretty good. The day of my surgery I went in, took the standard pre-surgery pregnancy test (it was negative, I will end the suspense about that right now), and got taken to my holding area/room. There they outfitted me with my one size fits all paper gown. It could have fit like, oh I don't know, twenty of me in it. The nurse was really excited to explain to me its self-heating feature. See, if I got too cold I could just punch myself in the stomach which would pop some sort of bag that would make my gown heat up. She was pretty disappointed I never got cold enough to use it. I didn't tell her I really just didn't want to punch myself in the stomach. Anyways, there was a six year old scheduled after me who was getting really impatient. (I know can you believe it, an impatient six year old?) My nurse nervously informed me they had moved her ahead of me, but to compensate me they would give me a gift card to my favorite mall. At first I thought, "wow I must have come across mean. Did she think I would yell at her or something?" Then I didn't care because essentially I got paid $30 to watch Gilmore Girls which I totally would have been happy to do for free.

-My mom was amazing and came up everyday for a week to do all the stuff I normally do, while I took naps and laid on the couch watching Food Network. (I was starving, like actually, really starving but somehow watching other people fix and eat food made me feel a little better.) One of the first couple of days she was here Braxton was doing his usual laps around the house. I was in my bed on heavy duty pain meds kind of in and out of it. I vaguely remember my mom telling Braxton not to come in my room so I could sleep or something, so, unbeknownst (I can't believe I just used that word) to anyone else Brax locked my door from the inside and closed it. A little while later, I decided I needed to get up and go to the bathroom. I stood up and that is all I remember. The rest of the story is filled in by details from my mom and Braxton. I must have passed out as soon as I stood up and fallen straight over into the wall because my mom said she heard a loud bang and came running to find...the door locked and me not answering. She said she frantically started looking for a key or something but couldn't find one. Brax came over to help and told her there was a key to open the door and he would get it for her. Her relief was short lived when he came running back and handed her her own car keys. She said she tried a BBQ skewer, a screwdriver, a spoon (which Brax brought her) and a knife with no luck. She was getting really nervous that I was just laying there bleeding so she went to the backyard, pulled the baby slide/swing thing over to window and climbed on its roof, pulled the screen off, jimmied the window open and climbed through it to help me. She found me on the floor, put me back into bed and then rescued Braxton who followed her and was trying to climb through the window too but got tangled in the blinds. I know, she is amazing. It is also nice to know your mom will climb through a window to save you whether you are eight or twenty-eight.

-Crack is wack kids. Okay, it wasn't crack, it was Lortab, but me and drugs don't mix. I am sorry if you called and I hung up on you mid sentence. Or just babbled on like a crazy person. One time I was talking to a friend on the phone about rides for kids somewhere or something like that and after I hung up, Tim asked me what she said. I said I had no idea so he had to call her right back to find out what was going on. The funny thing about this story is that they both remember it and laugh about it, but I don't remember anything like that ever happening. I was grateful to have the pain pills at the time but I am glad to be able to remember what people say to me now. (for the most part, if I forget something now it is just me, not drugs : )

- The fun doesn't end there, oh no. On day 9 post-surgery I got these blister type sores on the left side of my throat where it was supposed to be healing. I tried not to talk or move and even stopped taking my pain meds for like 12 hours because I was afraid the blisters would pop. To ease my suffering I watched a Supernanny marathon which I had never seen before, but now love. Anyways, that night around 4 I woke up with a gross, sticky-feeling mouth. I got up to get a drink and when I got back to bed I realized I was still swallowing a lot even though I wasn't drinking anymore. I grabbed my trusty flashlight and headed to the bathroom to check it out. I opened my mouth to a movie scene. My teeth were all covered in blood, my whole mouth was full of blood and I was white as a ghost. I yelled or something and Tim took one look at me, got lightheaded and got back in bed. He does not have a stomach of steel and I looked freaking scary. I started spitting the blood into a cup, first to see how much I was actually bleeding and second, just to stop swallowing it because I didn't know how long I had been gulping it down in my sleep. I was worried about waking the doctor up so I just wanted to wait until morning to do something. ( I know, crazy-I am a people pleaser to a fault-plus I was not really with it) Thankfully, Tim recovered enough to realize the cup was filling up with blood too fast and that we shouldn't wait. He called the doctor, got me dressed, wrapped me up in a blanket (I was starting to go into shock and was shivering) and carried me and my cup to the car. The drive down there was pretty quiet during which I had the following thoughts, 1) I have never seen Tim drive this fast. I hope he doesn't get pulled over because that will be one huge ticket. (It didn't occur to me that he might be let off the hook once the officer saw me wrapped up in a blood stained blanket spitting more blood into a half-full cup.) 2) I could never be a vampire, blood is so gross. (I am not sure why I thought that, I do realize there are not really vampires...) 3) This is a lot of blood. I hope I am okay. (That was the one I thought the most)
We got to the ER and within 20 minutes I was back in surgery getting that left side redone. Then as an extra bonus they pumped all the blood I had swallowed out my stomach. It was basically like starting all over, plus I was out a couple pints of blood. (I was trying to think of something I could add here, like "But the silver lining was..."so I didn't sound too whiny, but all I could come up with was "the silver lining was I didn't die." It was not one of the high points of my life : )

- I should thank everyone here who helped me pretty much all of October. My mom and sis-in -law Carissa each took a week coming over every day, and I have great friends who brought us meals, brought me treats, took my kids to do fun things, brought me "get well soon" presents and called to check on me. My mother-in-law came over at 5 minutes notice to take care of the kids while we went back to the hospital and brought us yummy food. It was all very, very appreciated. Tim was amazing. He took the best care of me and the kids and never complained. I am sure he got some gold stars in heaven for all he did : )

-I will never eat soup again. But bonus, I fit into my jeans that I wore pre-Jace. (Thats right, I still have jeans from 7 years ago. I knew I would fit into them again someday. ) If you want to lose weight just eat soup and only soup. It can't have anything in it either, just the broth. You will hate it and be starving, but you will be in skinny jeans before you know it. : )

-Just after I recovered Brax got the flu (on Halloween night, no trick-or -treating for him), Jace got pneumonia, and now Ashlyn has croup. We are doing our best to support the medical services industry.

-Seriously though, we are all doing great. Jace is having lots of fun in kindergarten and is reading at a second grade level. Braxton is doing great in preschool and can now do a front flip off the couch, and Ashlyn has recently added "gosh dang it" to her vocab.

-Yeah for Christmas in 23 days!!!! It is my first Christmas since 2004 not being pregnant or having a nursing baby so I am planning to send out Christmas cards for the first time in our marriage. (I don't know why I feel like I can't get anything done if I am pregnant or have a tiny baby) If you want one, email me your address. I might only do them once a decade.

-Our computer broke last night, and before that our camera did. So no pictures. Unless you want to click on the link on the side of the page and says "view my photos" and look through our recent attempt at family pictures. It includes my side of the family too. If you do look let me tell you a few things up front. I know my kids look spazzy in most of the pictures. Getting their picture taken a hundred times in a row is right up there with going to the dentist for them. Plus Ashlyn was scared of the camera and the photographer. I know that I cannot smile normally in a picture to save my life. I don't know why, maybe I should take lessons from the rest of my photogenic family. There were a few in there I liked though, and some of the kids that I loved so take a look if you feel like it has been way too long since you have seen us. : ) Password: field

-Thanks for reading this. I know it was long. I am assuming someone made it to the end. I was going to include my Black Friday shopping experience take two. But that will have to be next time : )