December 21, 2001

Our wedding day.

There are a lot of things I could write about this day. A lot of sweet memories were made, but there is one that is always the first I think of when I remember our wedding day.

We got married at 3:30 in the afternoon. I spent the morning shopping with my dad. I knew that this would be the last morning to hang out with him before things changed. He wouldn't be the one taking care of me anymore. He knew it, and I knew it, and even though we didn't talk about it, there was a sadness to the happiness between us.

I spent the early afternoon getting ready. Getting my hair done, getting my nails done, all the normal bridal pampering. It was fun and I was relaxed and enjoying my big day. After I was all glamorized, I got in the car with my parents to drive to the temple for the wedding. As we drove, I started to get nervous. Questions I had never had in the eight months of planning the wedding were suddenly popping into my head.

I started thinking about how young I was. And how young Tim was for that matter. I couldn't even go and buy myself a beer if I wanted, (which, for the record, I didn't actually want to do, it was just the point) but I could get married? Really?!?! Was I qualified to make such an important decision? I could barely commit to a major, and that was only four years. Was I ready to commit my life to someone forever? There had to be some things I didn't know about Tim. He seemed so wonderful and perfect for me, but was he? What if he was secretly addicted to drugs, or porn??

The more I thought about it, the crazier the questions in my mind became. A knot started to grow in my stomach and with every new uncertainty another kink would be added. I knew I loved Tim, but was that enough? Did I know him well enough to commit my life to him? Was I even old enough to really know?

I didn't say anything to anyone about my little anxiety attack that was happening. I tried to appear calm and collected but knew I was doing a bad job. What was I going to do?? I knew I had to talk to Tim. I had to tell him what I was thinking, and see what he was thinking. I had to know if he had any of the same questions I did.

I got dressed in my wedding dress and was (outwardly) all ready to go. Inwardly, I had a knot the size of a beach ball in my stomach. All our family and several friends were waiting for us in the beautiful room the ceremony would take place in. As I was walking to another room where Tim and I would meet, to then go into the ceremony together, I felt like I was going to pass out or throw up. I walked into the room where he was waiting for me with a hundred questions ready to spill. Before I got one word out though, Tim was there, hugging me, whispering in my ear how much he loved me. As he whispered in my ear, an unseen voice whispered to my heart, "This is the right place, the right time, the right person."

And that, my friends, made all the difference.

My questions were replaced with answers, my anxiety was replaced with peace. I walked into become his wife calm and happy, knowing the choice I felt so good about the past eight months was the right choice for me.

Eight years later, I think back and realize those questions I had were somewhat valid. I was young. (even more young than I thought at the time...twenty, yikes.) I didn't know everything about Tim, and he didn't know everything about me. But Someone knew how good Tim was for me, and let me know too.

We celebrated our anniversary by spending the day together yesterday. We talked about the things going on right now, and the things we hope will happen in the next year, and the next ten years. We talked about the kids we have and the kids we hope to have. And BYU football. And the new cell phone I want. (It can't all be serious : ) And I was thankful. Thankful, I still knew he was the one for me.

Thanks for the past eight years babe. They have been amazing. Here's to 8 million more : )

(If you see Tim will you let him know I posted this on our blog. Or just let him know we have a blog. That would be great. Thanks.)

What the past eight years have given us.