Where did your underwear go?

Its..its...its...GONE!!!! (sobs)

Where did it go?

fdjasiorenjw(unintelligible sobbing)

Honey, its okay just tell mommy what happened to your underwear? (remember he is my sensitive one, I had to lower the stern voice and up the sweet voice or I knew I would never get it out of him)

That story will conclude later in the post. It is official though, Braxton is potty trained. It has actually been official for like a month and it is heavenly to have only one little bum in diapers. I just like saying he is potty trained. It brings a smile to my face.

How do you determine the officialness of being potty trained you ask? I don't have to worry about taking him anywhere in underwear. I don't even think about bringing a change of clothes "just in case". That is my standard, when you can leave the house without giving it a second thought it is official. He is there. It was actually not as bad as I thought it would be. Less accidents than I anticipated, but still a patchy first two weeks. After that he caught on and it has been nice clean pants every day.

He doesn't even feel the need for the announcement anymore. The first couple of weeks, he would announce to everyone when he needed to go so we could all follow him to cheer. Now he just runs in there all by himself, takes care of business and runs back out...he is Mr. Independent. Which is great, except that he also likes to be in charge of wiping his own little bum. As any mom (or anyone who has watched a recently potty trained 3 year old) knows, that is more mess than help any day. By the time he is done an entire roll of toilet paper is gone and he is still a mess. So, I have been giving him strict instructions to call me when he needs to be wiped. But, being Braxton, he thinks-at three-he is surely smarter than his 28 year old mommy, which means he ignores that advice and never asks for help.

One day last week, he had just finished ignoring me again, got himself redressed, (do anyone elses kids feel the need to completely undress when they are first potty trained? Not shirts, but both of my boys thought for the first while that they must take off everything below the waist, including their socks in order to go) and realized he hadn't done quite as good of a job as he first thought and his underwear was now a little dirty. So, he decides to wash it in the toilet. Yeah, extreamly gross. He then runs upstairs bare-bummed to get some new underwear. I saw him streak past and knew that nothing good had happened downstairs, so I went down to check it out. Once I saw the mess I went back upstairs to start the washing machine (dinner was burning on the stove now...I was so caught up in the potty mess I totally forgot about it) and saw Braxton race past me again with new underwear on. I realize the dinner is burning at this point and race to grab it off the stove and unsuccessfully try to salvage it. (the ground beef was like charcoal in the bottom of the skillet) I then remember the washer is filling up, with soap already in it, and run downstairs to get the underwear. I come in the bathroom and see Braxton, bare-bummed once again, sobbing with no underwear in sight. Two pairs are missing. That is when this conversation happens.

Where did your underwear go?

Its..its...its...GONE!!!! (sobs)

Where did it go?

fdjasiorenjw(unintelligible sobbing)

Honey, its okay just tell mommy what happened to your underwear? (remember he is my sensitive one, I had to lower the stern voice and up the sweet voice or I knew I would never get it out of him)

hkrewoisnk(more sobs)

At this point I realize there is no longer any water in the toilet.

Braxton, did you flush your underwear down the potty?

(louder sobs)

Great, what happened to the other underwear that you just put on?

(Points to the potty)

You flushed BOTH pairs down?

Little nod. (apparently he had gotten those a little dirty too.)

Alrighty, well I guess I don't have to wash those but I am sure it wasn't good for the toilet.

I run upstairs to fill the washer with towels since it is all ready to go anyway. I come back down to clean Brax up and get some clothes on him and see Jace sticking his toy Star Wars Light Sabre thing down the toilet. Braxton was distraught because those were apparently his favorite pairs of underwear so Jace was trying to retrieve them...with his light sabre. (bright spot here though, at least it wasn't with his hand) I take the light sabre away to disinfect, tell both boys to get out of the bathroom and then do what any good wife does; shut the door and leave it for Tim to deal with when he gets home.

Thankfully it didn't turn out to be a big mess. His underwear is so small it eventually just flushed away, the tank refilled, and we were good to go. He doesn't ignore me anymore though, which is a good thing. He also has strict instructions now to never flush anything down the potty that isn't toilet paper (and only a little of that at a time.) Lets hope this lesson sticks.

I took all three in for their well-checks and Jace's kindergarten check up last Friday. At the same time. I don't know what I was thinking. Braxton is up to a beefy 28 lbs now, at three. His BMI is below 0%, how is that possible? How can you have less than 0% body fat? Just follow the Braxton diet and exercise regimen. Eat 5 small bites of cereal for breakfast. Jump on the trampoline for an hour. Run everywhere you go between breakfast and lunch. Eat one chicken nugget, 15 baby carrots and an apple for lunch. (the kid loves fruit and veggies.) Ride your bike/scooter for an hour and again, run everywhere you go. Snack on a Little Debbie cake and then take a nap. Wake up with renewed energy and run around the house for an hour. Eat 5 bites of dinner. Jump from one couch to another while Jace chases you. Go to bed. Then you too can have less than 0% BMI.

Here is my Braxter on Memorial Day shortly before the pool was popped.

In jail...I would rescue that cutie.

On the pony ride at the farm. He took some coaxing to get on at first but then he loved it. His horse looks really depressed though.

He also surprised me by being brave enough to feed this baby cow some corn...kind of. You can see Tim's hand holding his there.

So that is my Brax. I realize most of my crazy stories feature him as a central figure. That is not a coincidence...he is a crazy boy. He is so fun though and has such a loyal, tender little heart.

Tomorrow it will be Jace's turn. He asked the doctor some pretty interesting questions at his last well-check. Sometimes I wish I had a mute button for them. : )